My Energy Is on Airplane Mode

A day of not quite feeling like myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I woke up yesterday feeling... out of it. Was it a hangover? Something I ate last night? A cosmic force? Or maybe just a case of the Mondays, though, I didn’t realize that happens when you’re not working a full time job. Regardless of the cause, I was feeling out of sorts, introspective, and unproductive. The last part is something I’ve been trying to work through. “Doing things” is rampant in our culture, something we’re judged and scored on. “Busyness” the currency in how we are valued.

I started reading a book on Ikigai (here is a PDF, if you’re interested), which I stumbled upon through TikTok. I think the meaning that I like best is “the feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment that follows when people pursue their passions.” Working in our late-capitalist society does not fill me with a sense of *ikigai*. The book itself is honestly, *fine*, though it has reinforced some ideas that have been stewing in my brain lately. In hindsight, having a career was not a passion, it was a means to an end. We all need to eat! I had a lot of fun along the way, and learned a lot, no regrets. Now though, what is going to bring me that excitement? Where is my ikigai?

I decided that my day was going nowhere so I went grocery shopping and then for a long walk. One of my goals this year is to spend less time in my apartment, intentionally going for walks and taking photos along the way. So that’s what I did.

Did this help? Not really! While it was a nice walk, and I took some photos I really liked, I came home still feeling restless. Maybe video games will help? Nope, I got my ass kicked, felt useless and more frustrated. Okay, time for dinner. I made the oddest mix of herbed brown rice, spiced lentils, and roast asparagus that was neither good nor bad. Sigh. So I called it! Washed my face, brushed my teeth, and rotted with some TikTok till I felt sleepy and went to bed.

I felt like sharing this glimpse of reality because I tend to be a very optimistic, positive person, but we all have these days. Unmotivated, annoyed, and restless. Today though has already been a thousand times better, and now I feel great again. I’m ticking items off my list, I made a great sandwich, explored places to vacation this year, and I’ve even started to mull over the idea of looking into culinary school. Hopefully your week started off better than mine! Back next week with creative links and things, promise 💙